It’s been a week or so since I’ve written, I’ve been consumed with our testimony…..again I am going through 1Timothy just me and the Holy Spirit. Using no notes, commentaries, books…..lining my life up from my past as a pastor and today as a man who dwells in the resting place.

¹⁷ Elders who do their work well should be respected and paid well,^[e] especially those who work hard at both preaching and teaching. ¹⁸ For the Scripture says, “You must not muzzle an ox to keep it from eating as it treads out the grain.” And in another place, “Those who work deserve their pay!”^[f]

This is a great word….a great principle…..and a truth! But for me this is a very difficult one to face, so I’m just going to be honest and speak about it from my life, my perspective and my thoughts today.

I agree with Paul as he says an Elder should be respected and paid well. A pastor wears many hats, works 24/7 and the expectations are very high from everyone around them for the most part. But with that said allow me to confess my attitude while I was a pastor and what I feel about it now.

When I started out pastoring all I wanted to do was preach the Word, I was willing to do anything do this, all that was important was sharing the Word and what I knew had taken place in my life. This was my calling from the Lord – TRANSFORMATION!!! Preaching with a humble spirit.

As a Christian we should have no pride in our lives and even more so as a preacher, pastor, minister. I have to confess that I had pride and as the years went by my pride grew….and after some time I took on a “I deserve” or “you owe me” attitude. As I write this it makes me sick to stomach. I had a pastor friend who always talked about how we should live in nice homes, drive nice cars, have nice things………after all we are God’s children, God’s hand picked men and that is how he would want it. And…..I bought into it…..because of this way of thinking I lived beyond my means….trying to look the part of a successful preacher.  I would pressure my board to make sure we “had” what we needed, I would get angry, hurt and prideful in my spirit over these things….speak death into the church and the leadership for not giving more and taking care of me and my family. I literally led my church in financial troubles, worries and hardships making sure I was paid etc…..I really didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I was right…….today I sit here with tears in my eyes just thinking of the crappy attitude I held, the judgment I passed on church, leaders, boards, members…..I had a “GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME” attitude and didn’t even realize it. Lord have mercy on me.

At the same time there are churches that “hoard” their money – saving it for the future!! I always scratch my head at that one and always will. There is today and when the Lord blesses a church/ministry it should be given away!!! Taking care of people!! Francis Chan challenged his church a few years back….the said in their mission statement that “missions and evangelism” are the number one priority in their church….He said if this is true we should give away 50% of what comes in, give to missions and help the people around us…. instead of building a GREAT BUILDING or driving nice cars… etc… and bank accounts? How would Jesus react to a church that has millions in the bank when He returns while the people around that church are hurting, hungry, can’t pay bills, buy food etc? Shameful!!!!

And yet Paul writes these words…. what is the correct attitude? TRUST GOD – if people, churches, church boards, are “spiritual” people, living and resting in the Father’s rest…….obedient to the Holy Spirit, they will take care of the shepherds! TRUST GOD and be THANKFUL – the truth is I don’t need a big house that impresses people, I don’t need a pool, I don’t need a nice car, I don’t need the best clothes…….ALL I NEED IS JESUS and His promise is ALL MY NEEDS WILL BE MET……So as an encouragement to church people and church leaders, take care of the elders, pastors, missionaries, preachers etc…. TRUST GOD and give them what you can……….IF YOU TRUST God and the PASTOR’S TRUST God ……we all live and rest in Him……we all keep our pride in check….. well it is then that Paul’s writings here will take meaning and come to LIFE!!

¹⁹ Do not listen to an accusation against an elder unless it is confirmed by two or three witnesses.

AMEN — there are always people who are saying things about a pastor, elder etc…. blow them off and do not LISTEN to them….they are causing divisions, listening to the enemy and speaking death into that man/woman. NOW……….if there are 2 or 3 witnesses — LISTEN and take actions………. action with “spiritual” leaders in the church………investigate and find out the truth.

One of the problems with this is there are many leaders in the church that are NOT spiritual. They are “elected” into offices because they are popular, have a charismatic personality, or have been in the church forever……..not because they are spiritual people who can lead a church. I can remember asking people to serve on the church board that had NO business being on a church board, why? Because we had to have a church board!!! Had to fill “a spot” — so taking care of gossip, lies, or if an Elder has been accused and is guilty of it, people DO NOT KNOW HOW to deal with it, how to handle it in many churches.

²⁰ Those who sin should be reprimanded in front of the whole church; this will serve as a strong warning to others.

²¹ I solemnly command you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus and the highest angels to obey these instructions without taking sides or showing favoritism to anyone.

IF we could get these verses down in the way and the spirit that Paul writes them it would be amazing – when is the last time you saw this in action? Exactly!!! Even the thought of this seems so out of place in this world…..but we are not of this world remember. It’s easy to write about how it should be……..but trying to live it or put it into practice that’s another story. I know there are churches out there that can do this……….and I also know that there are churches out there the DO DO THIS but in the wrong attitude, it’s done in a legalism way — not in LOVE and HUMILITY. I don’t have the answers and don’t even know if I have the guts. But I do know that the Pastor/Leader has to be CLEAN, OPEN, HONEST, FULL of INTEGRITY and NO PRIDE to ever have a ministry like this. I was not that man 😦

²² Never be in a hurry about appointing a church leader.^[g] Do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure.

Just wrote about this up a couple verses…..

²³ Don’t drink only water. You ought to drink a little wine for the sake of your stomach because you are sick so often.

²⁴ Remember, the sins of some people are obvious, leading them to certain judgment. But there are others whose sins will not be revealed until later. ²⁵ In the same way, the good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will someday come to light.

In other words…..private life and ministry MUST match up to public life and ministry!!

 

 

On Sunday my wife and I stood in front of our church family, our family and gave testimony as to what has taken place in our lives. It is difficult for some to understand why we would do such a thing, and there are many reason one being it’s HEALING for both of us. The biggest reason is to bring glory to God! What has taken place is nothing short of a miracle…in just a little over a year we are doing better than we EVER have in our life together…..26 years!!!

As we spoke it was amazing — not sure how it was received but to watch Diane stand with a SMILE and talk about the pain that she endured for so many months, her journey with the Lord, the choices she made and the support she had from a few friends and family was absolutely amazing!! GOD IS GOOD!!! I do believe that this day has opened the door to many things for us. We can minister to those with the same problems in a way we could have never ministered before as “pastors” in fact we did more harm than good when it came to helping people in marriages and infidelity. Today we are able to have compassion, we KNOW what the feelings are like, the rage, the anger, the brokenness, the humility, on both sides of the fence. Both the one who cheats and the one who has been cheated on.

I did not want to do this for the most part, but I did it for Diane….I did it for our church family. I started out by telling them we have joined the church, we have become part of the family and families DO NOT HAVE SECRETS……well healthy families don’t! Most of this testimony was about Diane and how her love for the Lord opened the door for so many including this man. It changed our family and changed so many hearts…. GOD IS AWESOME….HIS PROMISES ARE ALWAYS YES and AMEN!!! He proves himself over and over again.

Today I am thankful

Here are a few more verses, I really don’t think they need much explaining………pretty plain on what he is writing. It boils down to either we are going to live these out or not.

⁹ A widow who is put on the list for support must be a woman who is at least sixty years old and was faithful to her husband.^{[c] 10} She must be well respected by everyone because of the good she has done. Has she brought up her children well? Has she been kind to strangers and served other believers humbly?^[d] Has she helped those who are in trouble? Has she always been ready to do good?

Paul puts some restrictions on who is qualified for support and who is not  – this is tough stuff in the today’s church! People make mistakes, Lord know I have made more than most…….but there is a HUGE difference from one who lives carelessly and one who is remorseful, repentant, and humble. In the world and certainly in the church there are “givers and takers” and as I see this Paul is saying when a giver becomes old and needs help we are to become “givers” to take care of them. We know in reality who is who, what a person is. The world and I believe the enemy plays a big role trying to bring guilt to the church, leaders, and even families when it comes to things like this.

IF one lives a life of purity, giving, loving, taking care of others, holiness, Christlikeness etc…. when we grow old we will reap the rewards. NOT THAT WE LIVE that way just to reap a reward……..it’s just a principle that takes place.

¹¹ The younger widows should not be on the list, because their physical desires will overpower their devotion to Christ and they will want to remarry. ¹² Then they would be guilty of breaking their previous pledge. ¹³ And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t. ¹⁴ So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes. Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them. ¹⁵ For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.

No need to even dig into this………so deep and so true!!!

¹⁶ If a woman who is a believer has relatives who are widows, she must take care of them and not put the responsibility on the church. Then the church can care for the widows who are truly alone.

And again here — the responsibility always falls on family first — then the church — this in reality would change our world so much if we lived it out.

 

³ Take care of^[b] any widow who has no one else to care for her. ⁴ But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God.

⁵ Now a true widow, a woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help. ⁶ But the widow who lives only for pleasure is spiritually dead even while she lives. ⁷ Give these instructions to the church so that no one will be open to criticism.

Here Paul is speaking to the church on how to take care of widows and what a “true widow” is. First of all he say that if she has NO ONE ELSE to take care of her the church should…the body of Christ……..the local church. IF she is truly alone in this world! But if she has children or grandchildren they should take care of her, in fact Paul says “that their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them” And then goes on to say it pleases God.

Again this is NOT a command, it’s not a heaven or hell issue when it comes to our salvation, it’s a principle that first helps the elderly, makes sure they are cared for, and it helps society in the world. In today’s world they are pushing for euthanasia as a legal way of “helping our seniors” or as it’s also known as “mercy killing” It takes a burden off the gov’t and off the families while convincing the rest of the world that it’s helping those who can’t take care of themselves. This is LEGAL in many countries now and it’s touched on through Obama Care in the US … trust me it’s coming. GOD HAS THE ANSWERS and the SOLUTIONS!!!

Paul then gives us what a “true widow” is. “A woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help. But the Widow who lives only for pleasure is spiritually dead even while she lives”

These are instructions for the church and families. He is saying it’s the churches responsibility to take care of a true widow as if she is her own. What about a spiritually alive widow who has family that is spiritually dead? Then what? I know people and I know churches when it comes to things like this……this situation could become an entire board meeting that may even get heated. I say what would please God? I have seen families that allow their mother to live as a pauper while they are waiting for her to pass to inherit all she has. Some families are so addicted to drugs, alcohol, and other junk that they can’t even think correctly and can only look out for themselves…….. what then? I say what would please God?

Some churches are poor and have to watch every penny, the budget’s are so tight and they won’t let go or won’t allow the bank account to get low…..I understand that but what would God bless? A church that gives it all away or a church that has a huge bank account? What about the widow who drives you NUTS, is not all there mentally and drains the body and has nobody else to take care of her? What would please God?

I pastored for 16 years and for the most part never saw this is “action” 100% – I think the church has good intentions, but I will say this. I did NOT LEAD the church to this kind of life style, this type of LOVE, this type of ministry. I did not lay my life down and put widows first! I did not lead them and teach them, I was selfish and wanted to make sure I got paid, make sure we had this or that……….I write this with great shame and a very sick feeling in my Spirit. If I ever get the chance to do it over again ministry sure would be different.

If there was a church that was focused on living out the Scriptures without being “legalistic” in any way at all, the pastor of the church would lead them into this church life style, where people would share all they had, give all they could, their number one focus would be “others” the needy, the widows, the sick, the addicted, the unlovable…….money would not be an issue……I truly believe it would please God as the word says and if he is please, and if he blessed it, people would give it all away in their lives!!!!

The he goes on to say “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers”

What does he mean the are worse than unbelievers? Well at least unbeliever say they are unbelievers but a believer who does not follow the heart of Jesus, they are double minded, liars, and only fooling themselves. The man who speaks what he believes and lives by it is much better off than a man who says one thing and does another. Bottom line……take care of your parents, grandparents when they are old and not able. This PLEASES God.

Well there are the first 8 verses…….lol only 17 more to go in this chapter. The next couple weeks will be slow for I have to focus on our testimony to prepare for the 22nd. I’m excited and nervous…..May God get ALL THE GLORY!!!

Moving on to chapter 5 – this has taken awhile to get through but getting there…. scripture by scripture. Here we move into Paul writing Timothy with advise about “Widows, Elders and Slaves”. He is giving Timothy a teaching on how the church should take care of and love people. These are not heaven or hell “rules” for the church!! These are principles that create a strong church and takes care of PEOPLE! OH how the church today could learn from this!! I will go through with my thoughts as I seek the Holy Spirit on these things….Here are the first 16 verses.

I am continueing on in 1Timothy wrapping up chapter 4 – man this has been good for me!!! Here are the last 10 verses in chapter 4 –

⁶ If you explain these things to the brothers and sisters,^[c] Timothy, you will be a worthy servant of Christ Jesus, one who is nourished by the message of faith and the good teaching you have followed. ⁷ Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives’ tales. Instead, train yourself to be godly. ⁸ “Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” ⁹ This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it. ¹⁰ This is why we work hard and continue to struggle,^[d] for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.

¹¹ Teach these things and insist that everyone learn them. ¹² Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. ¹³ Until I get there, focus on reading the Scriptures to the church, encouraging the believers, and teaching them.

¹⁴ Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecy spoken over you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you. ¹⁵ Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. ¹⁶ Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.”

I am to the place in my walk with the Lord, ,my understanding of the Word, my dependence on the Holy Spirit that this little section of Scripture is so meaningful to me. Paul writes to Timothy as he is mentoring him on how to properly lead people when it comes to the Word, he warns him of many things but the CENTRAL thought here is the WORD! He tells him if he explains these things to the brothers and sisters, you will be a WORTHY SERVANT of Christ Jesus, one who is nourished by the message of faith…..

In my last 2 years of preaching I was convinced that my preaching would never be the same again! That the Lord had instructed me to only use the Word and to teach ONLY the WORD! I heard Him say without a doubt that people need to KNOW the word of GOD, not hear about the Word of God! The last 2 years of preaching that is exactly what I did and this is how I will for the rest of my Life. In my own private studies, reading, teaching it’s only the Word. Here Paul says that “you will be a worthy servant” man that is my desire!!!

“Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives tales….instead, train yourself to be godly….” This is SO huge for the body of Christ, not just leaders but everyone. I am amazed by the arguments that come up in the name of Jesus, over thoughts, Scriptures, etc….As a pastor I would get so many emails, letters, phone calls, personal visits about “thoughts” or idea’s or whatever on scriptures, old wives tales, NEW ways of thinking, what that Scripture really means….etc etc…. I hated it and it could waste much valuable time just searching for the correct answers to prove them wrong…. Paul says “train yourself to be godly…….for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this iife and in the life to come”

I have come to realize and understand when most come with what they believe about something and challenge you, they usually cannot persuaded to change their mind…. they LOVE to argue…..they love to debate…..I have found most of the time they have a hardened heart on many issues. I had one man that many times threatened me to leave the church if I could not come around to his way of thinking, he would not partake in some things such as communion if I did say the “right” words while serving it etc… I allowed him to run me ragged until I finally understood this scripture…. then I was free and he was free to leave…. after this took place in MY heart (after 10 years of it) things changed, he STOPPED and ended up leaving. He would get me so upset and so mad…..hours of precious time wasted in ministry, family life etc..

¹¹ Teach these things and insist that everyone learn them. ¹² Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity”

Paul tells Timothy to “teach these things and INSIST that everyone learns them” What things is he talking about? Go back to chapter 3 and into chapter 4 – JESU!!! The truth of our faith, The HOLY SPIRIT, the one who teaches us THROUGH THE WORD, beware of false teachers and people who argue the truth!!! Pretty simple and a very good job description for a pastor/elder. So between our (Pastor’s/Elders/Teachers) dedication to the Word and the pure lives that we live being an example to all believers in what you say, the way you live, love and the faith you have…..PEOPLE WILL FOLLOW, LEARN, GROW, and FALL IN LOVE WITH JESUS.

The very next verse Paul says “Focus on reading the Scriptures to the church, encouraging the believers, and teaching them” and then he closes this chapter out with “Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you”

So there it is…..the job of the pastor! One thing hits me pretty hard “for the sake of your salvation and the salvation of those who hear you” I blew it pretty hard in my life and in ministry…..with so much damage done, so many lives affected and I’m afraid I really don’t have a clue how deep it goes. The world (so many people) says that each person is responsible for their own salvation, they cannot blame me if they turn away from God because a pastor fell. I have told myself that many times, my counselor, my wife, and so many others. But then I run into a Scripture like this!! What do I do with it? It says the opposite of what the world says.

I praise God that all has been exposed, that I was caught and had the chance to repent and turn back to Him, restore my marriage, family and friends. But there are still a lot of people out there hanging…….some I will probably NEVER had the opportunity to sit face to face and seek forgiveness. I not even sure if that is what needs to be done at this point. Here is what I hear the Spirit saying to me about this at this moment. First of all I want to give thanks to the Spirit for meeting with me this morning, as I read, study and write these things out so much comes to light, truth is spoken, lies revealed and it’s changing me forever. In some area’s its very painful and in other’s it’s freeing!

I know that the spiritual is so different from the natural, in the natural I could spend a lifetime (which is not that long for me now day’s) trying to make things right with people and probably never get to the end of the list. But in the spiritual, my heart, my repentance, my sorrow, my brokenness, and my RESTORATION will change the atmosphere in the lives of many. I am not sure how or anything else, but I’m very confident that HE IS ABLE and HE CAN do miracles in the spiritual that we cannot see. It is the Holy Spirit that brings forgiveness, heals brokenness, reveals truths about situations in our lives. IF my pastor falls it is up to me to forgive him, move on with my life in the Spirit….. THROUGH THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT this is possible for EVERYONE!!!

Does this mean I’m free from having to face people and seek out forgiveness? Restoration? NO NO NO and a thousand times I say NO!! It means that the Spirit will lead me to the right people and the Spirit will call the right people, and the Spirit will ……..

I pray that I came across right in this post – I pray my heart shows through in every word I’ve written. GOD IS GOOD!!

Warnings against False Teachers

Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. ² These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead.

³ They will say it is wrong to be married and wrong to eat certain foods. But God created those foods to be eaten with thanks by faithful people who know the truth. ⁴ Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks. ⁵ For we know it is made acceptable^[b] by the word of God and prayer.

The Word tell us that it is the Holy Spirit that reveals this, it is NOT Paul who writes it but God himself. This section of scripture’s heading is “warnings against false teachers” and his very first words are “the Holy Spirit tells us……”

In the last times, or last days there will be great deception taking place, even the strongest of the strongest are able to be deceived. Wrong will seem right and right will seem wrong…. here is how it plays out in todays world…. politically correctness!! There are so many issues in this world and for the most part if you do not bend with them the world will think you are narrow minded and closed minded. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTED.

How do you explain the morals of the world from the Cleavers to Modern Family in 40 year span? It’s not just homosexual issues which rules the frontline of everything right now, but just plain morals…. the way we talk, the attitudes, the language we use, abortion, sexual perversions, pornography, and the list goes on and on. The Bible says that they a deceived by demons! Does it mean everyone is inhabited by demons? NO it does not!! It’s a spirit in the world, that slowly moves until the attitude of the world shifts…. personally I believe the shift began in the early 60’s with drugs and the sexual revolution. I was right in the center f it!! But the reality was even then I had NO CLUE what I thought of believed, I had no foundation and I rode the movement just like millions of others.

As time passes by in this world deception will become greater and greater, even the STRONGEST will be deceived. The reason for this is in the end times Satan will try to turn as many away from Jesus as possible through deception…..”surely you won’t die if you eat the apple, God knows that your eyes will be open as soon as you eat it and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil” This was the same lie we are told today!!!

I could go on for days on this subject, you see I’m to the belief that all this is real, that there really is a heaven and a hell, that there really is God and Satan… I know many do not, they think that I’m a fool, that if that is true we are some type of ponds that they use to fight their war. How can a nation turn Godless? One that is a “Christian nation” to a “godless nation”? Is it really that we are becoming more educated? We have more knowledge? Or is it because deception is great over this world?

OK, now for me and how this section of Scripture applies to me. This is a tough one, I have all this knowledge and all these beliefs about this and yet I did what I did in the midst of it all. I was preaching HARD in the book of revelation about how deception will be in the end times, how we better be ready, we better know the Word, we better be in love with Jesus, and so on ……I was pounding into the congregations heads…..well a part of me was trying to pound it into my head….I believe what I preached but was not living it!! My hope and my prayer was that I would be out of this tangled up sin and walking strong before it’s too late for me. I was deceive into believing that I could get away with it!! I was deceived into believing that God would turn his head if I would just stop, I was deceived into believing that God was patient and did not want to all so many lives to be ruined because of my sin, and so He was patiently waiting for me to get out of this mess and move on.

What a FOOL!!! God cared more about my heart and Spirit than he does about my reputation and his reputation. HE IS GOD!! Even if I had stopped it would not have solved anything, it would not have “let me get away with it” HE KNEW and I had to be accountable, I was his chosen vessel as pastor of that church, I was the man chosen to be husband to my wife, father to my children, grandfather and the list goes on. I WAS TOTALLY exposed and I’m so thankful now….I WAS DECIEVED!!! The sad part is the pain it cost so many others, so many in the church and the people that trusted me, followed me, listened to me….. my wife and children who counted on me and trusted me!! I let downs hundreds, I did great damage to the kingdom, and yet God would rather expose, deal with it, forgive and restore…. I WAS DECIEVED!!!

Everybody has beliefs, but what are they based on? Some will say well the Bible says this and I believe this….. I had a conversation with a man yesterday talking about him living with a woman. He is a Christian and he is now married but he was telling me his father is the strongest Christian man he knows and when he lived with this woman his father would point his finger at him and say “you know if you die today you’re going to hell” – he would respond back “you have NO RIGHT to judge me” and they ended up not talking at all for a couple years. Went on to say “well I believe that it’s ok, it’s different days today than it was back then, God does not expect us to live without sex, and it’s better to live together and find out if we get along rather than getting married and ending in divorce” I asked him what he bases this belief on? The answer…..”it’s what I feel”

VERY DANGEROUS — I’m not one to throw judgment, and I don’t know where the line is for God when it comes to our salvation…..but I am learning go to the WORD and see what it says…..out feelings are NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

BOTTOM LINE of this Post: We must hear the Spirit, our teacher, our comforter, the one who guides us in TRUTH, the one who reveals the Word to us, the One who reveals the heart of the Father to us. It is now our feelings, thoughts, or others thoughts that should direct our lives but it is God who does and should!

They must be committed to the mystery of the faith now revealed and must live with a clear conscience. Before they are appointed as deacons, let them be closely examined. If they pass the test, then let them serve as deacons. ~ 1Timothy 3:9-10

I am writing this about Elders/Deacons/Pastors:

“let them be closely examined, if they pass the test, then let them serve as deacons/elders/pastors….I have a few different things to say about this subject. I served as a member of the “credentials board” for about 5 years. On this board we were the ones doing the testing of men and woman going through the process to ordination and full time ministry. First thing I want to say is I wish I took it more seriously now, I mean I did but I along with the entire board could have gone deeper. The idea is NOT to put men and women through a brutal beating to see if they pass, or if they are good enough to join our group! The idea was and is to make sure they first of all are called by God, second they are submitted to him in all area’s of their lives, family, wife, children, finances, community etc and thirdly are the in a LOVE RELATIONSHIP with Jesus, his word, prayer, knowledge of Him etc……..I must say I saw a huge difference in the way we did things in the last few years from when I went through the process 15 years ago. This is very difficult to do, you want to make sure and at the same time you want and need to encourage a person to keep moving forward.

The other thing I want to say is through this study I’ve learned that the “church” is very important, the leadership of the church is to be ALL these things and to be trusted. God established the church, Jesus died for the church and left it in our hands!! There are far too many men and women out there who proclaim themselves as “prophet, prophetess, deacon, pastor, elder, evangelist. When asked about it they come back with “God has called me, I don’t need a man, a church to give me permission” Well according to what I read in the Word of God that is FALSE!!!

Does God use men and women — YES YES YES. He uses us all in ministry. that is not what I’m talking about. I want to give an illustration to show my point.

When I was pastoring things were going along pretty well, my prayer was for our church to come alive in the Spirit! Deeper things, gifts etc…..one day in walks a man that is alive, on fire and very expressive in his ways….very charismatic. He would speak to people, pray over them, pray healing, speak words from the Lord, and in many ways was spot on. He came to me and to my wife saying that he was here and would support us…..with open arms we accepted him into the body. Soon so many following him, holding on to every word he would speak. I was not threatened in any way, I felt he was sent here to help us open up to the gifts of the Holy Spirit. My life changed in many ways…..he spoke over me many times about how great of a pastor I was, what a GREAT man of God I was…..etc etc etc… my future in the kingdom etc…..He would say He knew what God was saying…..He spoke what God told him to say, he could see the heart of men through the Spirit. IF God sent him to us, as many things in this world, when his time was up he stayed on… you know kind of like a revivial when it’s over man tried to keep it going. His time was up and he hung around, clinging to the people who followed and staying clear of those who were concerned.

HERE IS TRUTH!! IF this man was a “prophet” as he proclaimed, (with no covering, no credentials – self-proclaimed) why did he not see me? Why did he not see the horrific sin I was tangled up in? Why would God send him to me and let me know how pleased God was and my future was SO HUGE in the kingdom? Why didn’t he know? IF he was really who he said he was, God could have sent him to me and probably would have sent him to me to warn me, expose me, whatever and however…..but no it did not happen. I’m pretty sure now if anyone ask him he would say “he knew…….he warned me… blah blah blah” HE DID NOT KNOW < HE DID NOT SEE IT!!!

This is just ONE example of what is taking place out there. Many are innocent and do not know better…. the CHURC IS IMPORATANT!!!! A man is to be tested and then be approved and then ordained. So, I say BEWARE of anyone who is a lone ranger prophet, pastor, evangelist etc…. BEWARE!!! They may lead you astray no matter how strong you think you are.

How do you test a man, how do you test what a man thinks, feels, knows, acts and reacts? It is very difficult but I am convinced that the spouse/family is the key to it all. When we would interview men and women year after year, we NEVER interviewed the spouse until the final interview before ordination and it was not a setting for them to open up and speak if there is something not right…… they know!! Or family members for the matter. I think there should be separate interview that are less intimidating for the spouse all the way through the process. Sometimes the process is over a period of 10 years. I must say that EVERY TIME a pastor has fallen, the spouse knew and hid it for years, knew it before they were ordained. I mean what spouse wants to ruin that for a man or woman? The truth is they probably are hoping and praying that this is the very thing in their life that will being the change that is so desperately needed.

I know for me and I know for each one that has fallen that I am aware of this would hold true. Would it hurt? YES, would it help? YES YES YES…..for me being exposed was the very thing that FREED me up after years and years of living with secrets. Very difficult thing to do, to set up but a man with secrets will always hide the secrets, hoping that change is right around the corner, there may even be some freedom for awhile, but it always rears it’s dirty little head up again down the road.

Well that’s it for chapter 3 – it’s been hard, hurtful, painful and FREEING!! It has opened the doors to others around me too — I’m very thankful for this book and the Holy Spirit who has brought me through it with new insights and truth shown to me about ME.

Well, this has been pretty eye opening for me!! I’ve read this section of scripture a thousand times as well as used it, taught it, judged men and women through it, but I NEVER lined my life up with it in complete openness and honesty. It’s been painful and freeing at the same time. I will NEVER be the same again and for that I thank God!!!!! There are 2 left and I’m going to try and get them done today and then my last post from this section will be addressing the area of “after testing the man/woman……”

14. People outside the church must speak well of him. – Well this one I kind of touched on in an earlier post. As a pastor some people just naturally speak bad about you, they despise you, want to see you fall, in some cases just plain hate you. Well we know that they hate Jesus not the pastor……with this thought in mind here are my thoughts of ME and how people spoke of me.

For the most part most people spoke well of me but over the years I had people that did not for good reason. Most of any negative talk about me that was TRUE would be tied to financial things, someone I owed money to or maybe I lied to get out of a situation, or did something to cause someone to distrust me………there were people that spoke bad of me and some had reason the others who just DO because I’m a pastor means nothing, EXCEPT they are waiting for a man to fall and when I did it gave them more hate and more proof that it’s all a game and a scam to take people, control people etc….

So when someone would speak bad of me EVEN if they were correct I would always use the “because I’m a pastor etc…” and make myself look good to the people around me and basically call them a lair and stirring up trouble, would say things alike “they will have to stand before God one day…..” just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes. There are a few that I can remember but there is one that I will share with you….

About 15 years ago I was in an accident, I did not see the car in front of me stop and I slammed into him going about 40 miles an hour. My airbags activated, Beckie was with me and I’m sure she remembers well. The car I hit had a man and his little girl….. they were thrown around pretty hard and but seemed to be OK, badly shaken though. I believe his daughter went to the hospital just to make sure she was ok. I did not have insurance on my car at the time for whatever reason…. a few days later the man called me and I told him I was a pastor in town and things were hard, my insurance had lapsed and would take care of his car personally…. he said he wanted to think about it. A few days later he called me and said it’s been a very hard decision for him, all of his friends told him to turn me in and I would lose my license and he could sue me along with a few other things. He said that he sat in front of our house one night trying to decide what to do and ended up deciding NOT to turn me in and ruin my life, he was a believer and didn’t want to hurt a man of God and his family. I thanked him a hundred times telling him over and over again that God would bless him. We worked out the details of how much I would pay him to fix his car etc……… as the weeks passed, they turned into months and then years………. I never saw or heard from him again.

To this day this story hurts but today even more. I don’t know who he is, what is name is or where he even lives but I’m sure he remembers mine and I’m SURE he does not talk well of me nor has an once of respect for me. I’m sure his family and friends laughed at him for being such a “nice guy” to the man of God and all of them did not talk well of me…..One of the reoccurring prayers that I have in my life and especially the last year is that we would meet up one day, run into one another one day and I could ask him to forgive me…. this makes me cry 😦

As a pastor/elder we need to live our lives above reproach, open, honest. IF you live any part of your life in the flesh, if you have any hidden things in your life that are not taken before the Lord, I if you are NOT resting 100% of the time and 100% of your life in Jesus it will come out and it will be exposed.

Now my entire life was not this way, I did many good things, helped many people and had respect from many people……….but IF they saw things like this in my life…. well?

Why did Paul pen this? People hate Jesus and they always will, as a MAN OF GOD we cannot give them another reason, we represent JESUS, we are his hands, feet, mouth……..if he really transforms people, if he really changes people, if there really is a life of holiness to be lived…….if people on the community speak bad of you/me there is probably a reason!!!

15. He must live with a clear conscience. – By now I know and anyone reading this knows there is NO way that I lived with a clear conscience! Why must a Pastor live with a clear conscience? There is NO way that one can be 100% effective, 100% connected to the Father if not. Without a clear conscience a man is living a LIE, living with sin that has not been confessed and given over to the Lord, living in un-forgiveness, will always have to be looking over his shoulder.

This ONE thing right here will tell the entire story of a man…….. the question is how do you test him on this? How do you know if a man has a clear conscience?

OK — HERE IS THE SECTION OF SCRIPTURE that I’m going to talk about in my next post to wrap this up and then it’s on to Chapter 4!!

 ¹⁰ Before they are appointed as deacons, let them be closely examined. If they pass the test, then let them serve as deacons.

 I am writing these things to you now, even though I hope to be with you soon, ¹⁵ so that if I am delayed, you will know how people must conduct themselves in the household of God. This is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and foundation of the truth.